The greatest patriot is the one who never fights
Part 1: Savage Orest wets himself at the thought of fighting, the Poroshenko family's fake medical exemptions. Ukraino-Russians in London.
There are some people whose position allows them to avoid frontline danger for themselves and their (politically loyal) relatives. It is these people who are generally most viciously judgmental of those who manage to escape the country. I have plenty all-too personal experience of it.
Luckily, there’ve been many more public insights into the contradictory lives of Ukraine’s ultra-patriots.
The one true King
First, the most famous old guard patriot - Petro Poroshenko. Ukraine’s president from 2014-2019, this confectionary billionaire refined his political brand into a famous slogan - ‘army, faith, language’.
His years in power also saw him climb the ranks of Ukraine’s richest men - he was the only Ukrainian oligarch whose wealth increased from 2014-15, going from the 9th richest man to the 6th. Unfortunately for him, the slogan lost out in 2019 to Zelensky’s promise to ‘chuck the corrupt in the slammer’.
Nevertheless, Poroshenko continues to do one his best to craft the image of Ukraine’s greatest patriot - as opposed to the crypto-Putlerist ‘green plague’, as Poroshenkites scornfully call Zelensky and his team.
But on August 5, Ukraine’s Law and Business publication released information showing that Poroshenko’s family and lawyer are evading mobilization. Another lawyer, Elena Isaevska, uncovered this while investigating the misdeeds of Poroshenko’s lawyer, I. Holovan’.
Isaevska tells Law and Business: “I. Golovan, born in 1968, was declared unfit for military service at the beginning of June by the Medical Military Commission (MMC) of the Shevchenkivskyi Territorial Center of Recruitment and Social Support (TCRSS) with removal from the military register based on articles 31a (visual disorders) and 39a (stage III hypertension) of the annex to the Ministry of Defense order No. 402. The conclusion has now been forwarded to the Central Medical Military Commission of the Ministry of Defense.
In addition, I. Golovan's brother, Nikolay, born in 1972, is evading the TCRSS authorities. I. Golovan's son, Vladimir, born in 1990, also did not appear for the MMC at the Shevchenkivskyi RTC of Kyiv.
I. Golovan's sister's husband, Yevgeny Shelyakin, born in 1977, is also being sought by TCRSS authorities and is evading the MMC.
It has become known that lawyer Elena Isayevskaya will soon file a criminal complaint with law enforcement agencies.
I. Golovan is known for representing Petro Poroshenko, who is suspected of state treason, and previously represented Alexander Shepelev, who was convicted of premeditated murders.
Additionally, Petro Poroshenko's children are evading mobilization.
About Poroshenko’s children - to be fair, they don’t have to try very hard to evade mobilization, since 39-year old Oleksiy and 23-year old Mykhailo live in London.
Mykhailo has already done quite a great deal for his father’s reputation. In 2017, he was photographed wearing a ‘Russia’ jacket in London’s prestigious Concord College, a photo whose authenticity was confirmed by radio svoboda journalist Levko Stek.
And in 2020, he attended a concert by ‘Face’, the Russian liberal rapper. Young Mikhail (he always talks Russian in interviews, so why not call him a Russian name) called out ‘I’m Poroshenko’s son, let’s talk later’.
In a viral video of the event, a visibly drunk Mikhail gets on stage, greeted by Face with the words ‘Russians in London, fuck yeah’. Poroshenko Jr then reads out the lyrics from Face’s song ‘I’m like Gosha Rubchinsky’
Like father, like son. In 2020, a tape was released showing Poroshenko and Putin having a friendly chat on April 30 2015, at the height of bloodshed in eastern Ukraine.
“Poroshenko" congratulates "Putin" on International Workers' Day. "Putin" asks whether his colleague is managing everything.
"I'm managing. The further we go, the easier it gets because some sort of vertical structure is already being built," replies the man with Poroshenko's voice.
Ending the conversation, he says: "Shaking your hand. Many thanks."
"Hugging you," replies the man with Putin's voice.
The above description is from the BBC, though of course they were careful not to make any conclusions about whether it was real or not. They also decided it didn’t need to be published in the English website. But Poroshenko supporters at the time, like Denys Kazansky and Aleksey Arestovych (yes, that same one), didn’t question the authenticity of the tape but rather argued that it demonstrated how much of a wise statesman their dear leader was.
Too savage to fight
Second, the minstrel of violent(ly stupid) patriotism: well-known ultra-nationalist musician Anton Mukharsky, stage name Orest Lyuty (Savage Orest), self-described ‘national-fascist’.
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